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Gottman Relationship Blog

Gifts from the Heart.  A research-based approach to relationships via The Gottman Institute’s Blog. The blog offers education on ways to make relationships last, review answered questions about relationships from Certified Gottman Therapists, how to have a Mindful Marriage, and so much more.

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It’s about the Small Things in Relationships

Small Things Often: How to build a positive, lasting relationship. Explore these approaches to improve partings, reunions, show of appreciation and affection, as well as date nights, and more!

Small Things Often Podcast

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Better your Relationship in 60 Seconds or Less

The Marriage Minute: This FREE Gottman emailed Newsletter provides resources, articles, tools, videos, etc., on ways to deepen your friendship and enhance your marriage.

Positive Statements to Help Cultivate Attitudes of Acceptance

Allow time to pass during a period of an emotional overload. It can be helpful to repeat a single statement verbally or internally, during the first minute or two during feelings of stress, anxiety, or panic. If one statement gets tiresome or seems to stop working, try another.

• “This feeling isn’t comfortable or pleasant, but I can accept it.”
• “I can be anxious and still deal with this situation.”
• “I can handle these symptoms or sensations.”
• “This isn’t an emergency. It’s okay to think slowly about what I need to do.”
• “This isn’t the worst thing that could happen.”
• “I’m going to go with this and wait for my anxiety to decrease.”
• “I’ll just let my body do its thing. This will pass.”
• “I’ll ride this through – I don’t need to let this get me.”
• “I deserve to feel okay right now.”
• “I can take all the time I need in order to let go and relax.”
• “There’s no need to push myself. I can take as small a step forward as I choose.”
• “I’ve survived this before and I’ll survive this time too.”
• “I can do my coping strategies and allow this to pass.”
• “This anxiety won’t hurt me – even if it doesn’t feel good.”
• “This is just anxiety – I’m not going to let it get to me.”
• “Nothing serious is going to happen to me.”
• “Fighting and resisting isn’t going to help – so I’ll just let it pass.”
• “These are thoughts – not reality.”
• “I don’t need these thoughts – I can choose to think differently.”
• “This isn’t dangerous.”
• “So what.”
• “Don’t worry – be happy.” (Use this to inject an element of humor)
• “This isn’t fun, but I won’t run.”